Athletes spend a lot of time stretching and extending their bodies. But over-extending can cause injury. It’s the same outside of the athletic arena: We can stretch ourselves and discover new ways to feel fulfilled and make our dreams come true. But we have to be careful not to over-extend ourselves.
The truth is that half of the troubles in life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. We rush in impulsively without considering the consequences to our own health and well being.
In Canada where we live the good life, so many of us are stressed from being overcommitted and pulled in a million different directions. It’s shocking how stress sabotages health. Scientists tell us that around 50 per cent of all serious illness is directly caused by stress. It’s been called the scourge of the century.
What are you getting yourself into?
Think about those situations--even people—that drag you down and “zap” your energy. You may be exhausted but still say yes to extra volunteer work, working overtime to cover for your staff, attending social events, or doing favours for friends. Or what about that needy employee who backs you into a corner and monologues about their personal problems while your work sits unfinished? Your impulse may be to run away but you allow yourself to become drained by their bad energy.
These are all ways you may let your good nature overtake the need to look after yourself. All your efforts may not even be appreciated, and the result is that you feel even more tired and run-down—which makes you vulnerable to insomnia, colds and flu, and other stress reactions.
Saying no is a skill
For us people pleasers, it’s a real challenge to draw the line and say no. And yet we need to make our own happiness the top priority and try our best to leave the guilt behind.
Just remember, saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you insensitive or a bad leader. Rather, it means you are strong and confident with your boundaries and limits.
Practice saying “no” in front of the mirror, and smile when you’re saying it. You can actually learn to feel good about saying no, instead of guilt-ridden.
Your YES and NO list
A super-simple method for learning to say no is to make a YES and NO list. Jot down all the things you love doing, things you are passionate about, and things that give you energy. This is your YES list.
Then make a list of things you dislike doing, things that frustrate you and drain your energy. This is your NO list.
You can then use these lists as tools to help you make decisions. If it’s in the NO list, it’s probably something you should avoid. If it’s in the YES list, it will likely enhance your life.
The awesome thing is that there are probably many people in this world who have a lot of the items on your NO list at the very top of their YES list. Your YES and NO list enables you to figure out people’s strengths and work together to assign roles on projects. This can be great at the office, around the house, and in community organizations.
You hate coaching kids’ soccer games? Your friend down the street loves it, but has no desire to lead adult hiking trips on Sundays—something you really like doing.
Try it out and see what happens. You might be surprised by the insights you arrive at.
In the event you need additional assistance in simplifying your life, we have developed a free report that identifies implementable tips that you can act on immediately to begin simplifying your life. Visit www.simpleplanreport.com to download today!
Have a fantastic day and always remember to keep things simple!
Mark Landers is the creator of The Simple Plan Program and has been helping entrepreneurs simplify their lives for over 10 years. He can be reached at Mark R. Landers, CFP CHS, The Northridge Financial Group Ltd. at 416.705.6640 or mark@nrfg.ca.
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